Looking back at past 10 years - Part 3 - Motherhood

Posted by Maiko Kuzunishi on

It's difficult not to talk about my business without talking about motherhood. My daughter asked me "If I wasn't born would you have had your business?" My answer to her was "probably not".

I knew nothing about being a mother and I knew nothing about running a business.. To do both at the same time, seemed like a good idea. I dare say it was easy.. it is not at all. But one definitely fuel the other and part of the drive that I had to succeed in business area was stemming from the love I have for my daughter. But truthfully, it was full of internal turmoil. I cried a lot dropping my daughter at daycare. I missed her while I was away from her. And I worried about orders, logistics and order issues while I supposed to be having "fun time" with my daughter. 

Yet, this is not unique problem just for me. There are many parents, mom or dad who are raising their children and working hard everyday. So all I am saying is.. I feel you. 

When my daughter was born... I only had one rule. A personal credo or attitude that I still keep to this day. That is: to be honest and real with her. Basically, cut all the BS and pretenses.. no "acting like mom" and treating her like a child. What my daughter get is just me, a real person.. This one. A very imperfectly perfect human who hasn't figured out things and make mistakes and do and say weird stuff. And I made sure that she knew that I was happy that she was born and she chose me to be her mom. I know that she knows she has a crazy mom and that's a good thing. In a way, it saves you and your kid from disappointment later on. I don't want my daughter to put me on a pedestal like i'm this person she has to look up to. No don't look up to me. Be Leela. I say. That is her job. 

I love her smiles and I love her pouty faces. I loved how she collected rocks and stuffed them in her pockets. I was never able to keep her face clean.. she always had something smeared on every photo I took. I love her neck.. I love her hugs.. I love her amazing eyebrows.. And i'm totally biased. I think of myself like a zoologist observing the wild animal. Sometimes she's tamed and sometimes she acts like a total beast! I love to make her laugh and I aim to do so at least once a day. 

Looking back last 10 years particularly in this area is painful for me because I miss her being a baby, a toddler and a little girl. My heart aches for the time that I cannot take back. I miss her waddling. I miss her clumsy gestures, all of her made up words I didn't correct, and her weird dances. I miss her fake smiles she threw at me saying "cheeeeeeeeeze" while I was recording videos. :D 

Now, I see an older girl whose speech has become slightly more flawless, her gestures refined. She can reason and argue. She corrects my grammar. She can draw better. She steals and wears my clothes. She can memorize lyrics from songs she hears only once. And she started singing a song from Rage Against the Machine. Oops!! 

I have no idea what kind of a person she's going to turn into. It's a big experiment. 

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